The midwives were absolutely brilliant and they took hand prints and footprints. I thought it was a little strange but I am thankful for that as today we have these safely stored away in his memory box. We also took countless photos as well.
When we arrived home we were greeted with all the little clothes we had brought in preparation and of course the empty nursery.
My wife could give a better account of how empty we felt. For me it was a day for the wife 9 months of anticipation.
Over the coming days we sat down and organised the funeral. The hospital were great in arranging the funeral which was held on site and I managed to summon up enough strength to say a few words. I needed to do that.
We chose a few songs that we thought appropriate and to this day if I hear them on the radio I have to turn it off. It takes me right back to the little coffin sat in front of us.
At this point I would like to recognize and thank various people. Our families, Our friends.The consultant.The mid wives,The vicar,The crematorium
Our boy was scattered on a beautiful garden area specific to children. With a wooden and brass star surrounded by flowers and heather. It’s such a peaceful place and we visit on regular occasions to swap over toys.
This put a line under the first chapter but the following months became a challenge. As we started to grieve In isolation my wife craved support and I craved a bloody great hole which I could hide in.
I felt bad that I couldn’t support my wife In the manner she desired so much but this led her to a new network of support and although I don’t know these people personally they played the biggest part in this recovery. This was simply a group of extraordinary women that had been through the same thing and had set up a social network support group.
My wife spent countless hours speaking to them and this certainly helped where she was at, along with the counselling and the support of count the kicks & SANDS, I could see my wife turning a small corner.
I chucked myself into work and sport.
For a period of time I could sense the only option was to go our own way and separate as we were kind of dragging each other down and slowing the recovery.
However I had a moment of genius and my wife reluctantly agreed – we got a dog. It was a border collie pup and my God did we bite of more than we could chew. He was a terror, but at the same time he was brilliant – he certainly took our mind’s of day to day mundane emotions.
Guess what a few months later my wife was pregnant – this was 2011 by now.
The dog got shipped to the folks who still have him today and he’s a little more calmer than when we had him.
The next 9 months were a paranoid one as you can imagine, however, thankfully under some great consultant led care my wife gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby boy.
As the months went by and we got acclimatised to being parents, I couldn’t help but think about what if our stillborn boy and our new son were together, but this wouldn’t be the case as we wouldn’t have had them together like that and you think that your new son wouldn’t then be here.
It’s a weird thought process but I can imagine parents that have had rainbow babies would understand.
A rainbow baby is one that is born after a stillbirth if you were wondering.
So fast forward to 2016. Add two further beautiful children, add two parents that have learnt a lot of empathy towards parent hood, add two very loving and respecting parents and you have the foundation of a happy future.
Of course you will have ups and downs but having gone through what is the worst scenario a parent could we are well prepared to hit any challenge head on as a family unit.My Beautiful, Strong & Living Wife – Lucy,My First Boy who I will never forget – Roan, My Kids, my legacy – Evan, Noah & Maggie,
7 years on from losing our son there has been a number of life events that have, shall we say taken priority of the rawness of loss.
Our beautiful kids, work, personal activities etc….
However I have never taken a step back to appreciate where I really am in this recovery 2016 is a year of reflection and positive action
On New Year’s Eve I made a promise myself to start such action.
The first port of call was to raise money for the charity that supported my wife through her darkest hours.
This charity is SANDS (Stillbirth & Neo natal Death)
So how to do this? “Simple – decide to run 100km non stop”